


Yours, Absolutely, Positively

by JudeAraya



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Era (Phandom), 2009!phan, Christmas, Fluff, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:08:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21824452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JudeAraya/pseuds/JudeAraya
Summary: Like so many things in his new life, Dan was coming to understand that Phil was the only exception.~Christmas 2009~
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 35
Kudos: 86
Collections: Phandom Fic Fests Holiday Exchange 2019





	Yours, Absolutely, Positively

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dnpgames](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dnpgames/gifts).



> I really enjoyed writing this fic, I hope you all enjoy reading it! There's something magical about revisiting early Phan and getting to roll around in romantic feelings, so many thanks to my author for the simple, but lovely prompt. 
> 
> Many thanks to my beta [tobieallison](https://tobieallison.tumblr.com/) for being such a generous beta and being so supportive!

“I,” Dan bit out through chattering teeth and slightly blue lips, “will never be warm again.” 

“I'm sorry,” Phil said, struggling to remove his boots without spreading snow everywhere. “I promise to warm you up.” 

“I think I need to demand more than just hot chocolate for the sacrifices I made for you today.” Dan shed layer after layer of snow soaked clothing, leaving them in a heap on the floor. 

“Anything.” Phil promised. He hung up their jackets and gathered what could be hung on drying racks. His own lips felt numb, nipped with the prolonged cold. He couldn’t imagine how cold Dan must be, rolling around in the snow like he’d been. 

“ _Anything?_ ” Dan asked. 

Phil poked his calf with a socked toe. “Pervert.” 

“Oi, you don’t even know what I would have asked for! It’s your filthy mind that went straight there!”

“Shh!” The house was quiet but he couldn’t be sure his parents weren’t home. He pulled Dan toward him so he could kiss the smirk right off of his too-sweet face. He hissed when Dan slipped ice cold fingers under his jumper and right onto his skin, but took it. “Listen, how about some hot chocolate in my room. I’ll see if I can find my mum’s hot water bottle. We’ll snuggle and watch a movie, okay?” 

“Sounds amazing,” Dan said, tucking his chilled nose and lips into the crook of Phil’s neck. Shivery chills raced through him, not entirely because of the cold.

“Go on then,” he said, and nudged Dan towards the stairs. 

___

He found Dan piled under the comforter and an extra blanket he must have taken from the linen closet. Phil’s heart did a funny thing, this _I love him so much_ thing that took him by surprise for the oddest reasons. He loved that Dan was comfortable enough in his home to grab himself a blanket. Perhaps it was silly that the tiniest intimacies touched him so hugely. 

“Alright,” Phil said. He had the hot water bottle under his arm and a two mugs of hot chocolate in each hand. “Come grab something for me, would you? I’m going to spill these any moment.” 

“Here, then,” Dan said, kicking his way out of the nest he’d made himself. He was wearing long sleep pants and Phil’s York hoodie. He took both mugs from Phil, setting them cautiously on the side table. 

“What’s coldest?” Phil asked, gesturing with the bottle. 

“My feet.” Dan was settling himself back into his blanket burrito. Phil worked the hot water bottle under the covers, adjusting as Dan directed, until Dan’s feet were on it. Dan sighed with pleasure, then held up the blankets. “Join me?” 

“Let me just get a movie up?” Phil searched for his laptop. He was forever setting it down in odd places. His mind tended to race toward the next thing on it before he finished whatever was at hand. 

“It’s on the dresser,” Dan said, pointing toward it. 

Maybe it was the five hour Skype calls, but sometimes he and Dan were so in tune with each other it made Phil nervous. The good king of nervous. He knew how lucky he was, how unlikely it was for anyone to find someone they were so compatible with, particularly as young as they both were. Dan had the hood of his sweatshirt up; Dan always said that the color couldn’t possibly really suite anyone. Phil couldn’t disagree more, because Dan framed in such a bright color did things for him. 

It took some maneuvering, but eventually Phil was under all of the blankets, laptop balanced on his knees, _Aladdin_ queued for another watch. Dan was curled up against him, both hands wrapped around his hot chocolate. Phil didn’t think Dan even realized he was humming along to “Arabian Nights”. He kissed the top of Dan’s head. 

“What was that for?” Dan asked without moving. 

“I just really love you,” Phil said. 

“Ew.” Dan ducked his head and nuzzled against Phil’s chest. Phil smiled against Dan’s hair, which was frizzy and wild. He loved that Dan didn’t always straighten his hair any more, that he’d given up on it if they weren’t leaving the house after their week together. 

Small details that meant so much. That with their first _I love you’s_ Phil could tell how secure Dan felt with him. How he was somehow even more himself, but just for Phil. Only with him, only when they were tucked into private spaces together. 

___

Dan fell asleep long before the movie ended. Phil slipped the almost empty mug from Dan’s relaxed hold right as he was drifting off. Dan simply tucked one hand under the hem of Phil’s shirt, flattening it against his stomach. Not because he was cold, but because this was a Dan thing. He always sought Phil’s skin, always wanting some contact. Phil never minded, even when it meant Dan was not so subtly reaching for his hand at the table when they were eating with Phil’s parents. Dan’s little touches were so grounding, and soon, they’d be gone again. Phil tried his hardest not to spend time with Dan on a countdown timer, not to spend precious time with Dan already missing him. Instead, he forced himself to record their minutes together, to catalogue all of these little things. That way, when Dan left, Phil would have a mental scrapbook of these moments to flip through.

Eventually he had to untangle himself from Dan; he needed a piss quite urgently, and if they were falling asleep he had to take his contacts out. His eyes were still grumpy about him forgetting to take them out the night before. He tried to slip out of bed without waking Dan. Instead, he got a sleepy eyed and loose muscled Dan pawing at him, trying to catch hold of the fabric of Phil’s shirt. 

“Where’r you goin’?”

“Just to the loo. I’ll be right back,” Phil said. He pushed Dan’s hair back so he could kiss his lovely forehead. 

“‘Kay,” Dan said, slipping back to sleep instantly. 

By the time Phil returned, Dan had spread out so that he took most of the bed. He was still tangled in multiple blankets and Phil’s hoodie. Dan ran warmer than anyone Phil knew, so he knew that Dan would wake up soon, irritated and sweating. He extracted the extra blanket from the bed, trying to coax Dan to wake enough to take off the sweater, to no avail. He did manage to roll Dan over a bit so he could get into bed. He wasn’t even settled before Dan was arranging himself like a limpet over his body. His hair was tangled; Phil took the time to untangle it gently, running his fingers through it over and over, as he waited for sleep to take him.

__

Dan woke up on fire. He was too tired to chastised himself for the terrible phrasing. Phil was dead asleep, snoring lightly like he did whenever he slept on his back. The pitch black told Dan it must be the middle of the night. When he reached over Phil to check the time on his phone, he saw it was only two a.m. He was sweating in his flannel pants and Phil’s sweatshirt. Grumpy and not totally awake, he poked Phil’s side before stripping the offending garments from his body. 

“Wha’?” Phil jerked his head up when Dan poked him, harder, a second time. 

“Why’d you let me fall asleep like this?” Dan flopped back, starfishing as much as he could when he was sharing a mattress with another giant huffalump. What was to say, not much. 

“You wouldn’t wake up,” Phil said around a yawn. He rolled toward Dan. “Knew you’d be too hot but you were so tired.” 

Dan wanted to be cross because he hated sweating, but Phil was so sweet, struggling to wake up enough to talk. He put a hand on Dan’s stomach but didn’t come closer. Even asleep Phil knew when to come closer and when to give Dan space. 

“Well then,” Dan whispered. He laced his fingers through Phil’s on his stomach then turned his head to give Phil a small kiss. “Sleep, okay?” 

“‘Kay. Love you,” Phil mumbled, almost unintelligible. 

“Love you more,” Dan whispered against Phil’s skin, sighing out the too-big feeling and inhaling Phil’s scent. Tomorrow was his last full day with Phil and even here, in the middle of the night, swallowed by shadows, Dan couldn’t help but feel the deadline of his visit looming. He knew he should be more like Phil, focusing on the time they did have rather than the time they didn’t. Dan did try focus on those things, he really did. But it seemed that Dan was always leaving, as if his time with Phil was a series of increasingly painful goodbyes. 

Tomorrow they would exchange Christmas gifts for the first time, even though Christmas was two days away. Dan would kiss him in front of the tree even, so long as the Lesters weren’t there. He’d send a wish into the world, even though he storta didn’t believe in the power of wishes, that it would be their first of endless Christmases. 

___

The next morning dawned bright. Phil rolled over and into Dan, annoyed that he hadn’t lowered the blinds. He rarely raised them in the first place. It was only eight a.m., which was sacrilege, but he was well and truly awake with nothing to be done for it. Dan was all soft skin and lax muscles next to him. Phil considered and discarded the idea of waking him up to kisses and long stroking touches down the delicious curve of his spine. This early in the morning would be a cruelty, so Phil settled for climbing out of bed gingerly. He pulled on Dan’s discarded pants and sweater, grabbed his laptop and phone before making his way to the kitchen. He’d make Dan some coffee when he heard him begin moving around. For now, he had footage from the night before to upload to his computer and some outlining and brainstorming for how to shape the interactive connections he wanted in the videos. 

And maybe he got a little lost, rewatching footage of Dan, disgustingly smitten with Dan’s face in that fur hat, his way of speaking, the memory of how willing he was to go along with Phil’s plans, perhaps more excited about them than Phil. Phil would never forget how enthusiastic Dan had been in the comments about every part of his Space Adventure. He wondered sometimes, at the time, if it was fake enthusiasm. Everytime they sat down to talk about video, inspiration, or even just bouncing ideas off of each other, Phil knew more and more how Dan really _got_ him. Not necessarily how Phil’s brain worked—Phil wasn’t sure he even understood—but the intent, the creativity, what drove him. 

“Really, child, are you going to moon over him all morning? You could just wake him up to do that,” his mum said. Phil startled. He hadn’t heard her come in. 

“‘M not mooning,” he said, quickly tabbing into his document from the video. Her laughter was soft and not unkind. “It’s sweet Phil. He’s sweet.” 

Phil smiled at his document. She was moving about the kitchen behind him, so he was safe from anyone catching what he was sure was the goofiest face ever. He loved that his parents liked Dan. He got such enjoyment from watching Dan be on his best behavior with them. He might never forget the look on Dan’s face when his Mum commented on “Butterfingers” and he’d realized she watched his videos. 

“She still seems to like me, right?” he’d hissed in a panic later in Phil’s room. 

“You’re impossible not to like,” Phil said. He had tried to reel Dan into a kiss but Dan was spiraling into a _state_ and wouldn’t go along. “Dan, she got to meet you before she ever saw the videos. She knows that the boy she met is the real you. She’s not opposed to humor, y’know?” 

Despite the assurance, Dan tried extra hard to be even more polite when he visited, until a few days ago when she’d forcibly sat him down with a hand on his shoulder as he was rising and offering to clean the dishes. 

“You’re our guest,” Kath said firmly. “And you mustn’t always be on perfect behavior. We know you’re human, and probably a strange one if you like this one so much.” She nodded her head toward Phil. 

“Oi!” 

“Well you know it’s true.” 

Phil couldn’t much argue that. It wasn’t as if the people in his life didn’t tell him all the time that his strangeness wasn’t a good thing. That it set him apart, made him creative and interesting. He remembered showing his mother some of the space adventure videos and how she’d told him how thrilled she was, to not only know, but have raised someone whose brain worked so differently it wasn’t afraid to take risks and make things like he did. 

“I like his brain,” Dan said softly. 

“Well then, you’re definitely an odd duck with good taste,” she said. “Feel free to be odd with us, we’re used to it. I’d love for you to feel at home here.”

Dan had blushed a deep red and looked down. Oh, Phil had loved them both so much in that moment. 

The last two days had seen Dan slowly thawing and relaxing in his parents company. Phil couldn’t help but to envision Dan years from now, completely himself and a part of this family. Maybe Dan was young, but Phil couldn’t fight the inevitability of the forever feeling they shared. Seeing Dan slot into place with his family only solidified Phil’s certainty. 

The thudding of uncoordinated footsteps broke the quiet between his mother and him. Phil shot up so he could make Dan coffee, only to be waylaid by Dan himself. Dan shuffled straight into Phil’s arms, hair was a wild mess and his eyes only half open. Phil knew Dan hadn’t seen his mother, and knew the exact moment when he did. His body stiffened and he made a move to pull away from Phil. Phil tightened his arms. “Morning,” he said, soft into Dan’s ear. Dan melted into the touch and mumbled something unintelligible into Phil’s shoulder. 

“Would you like some coffee love?” Kath offered. Dan nodded enthusiastically without moving from Phil’s arms. Behind Dan’s back, his mum widened her eyes and winked dramatically, clasping her hands before her heart. Phil rolled his eyes. 

Once Dan was settled, coffee in hand and blinking his way to consciousness, his mother had made them both breakfast, despite their protests that they could do it and Dan’s insistence that he didn’t want to make her go to extra trouble. 

“It’s Christmas holiday. That means it’s time to smother everyone in food and cakes.” 

“Cakes aren’t food?” Phil was getting sleepier the more Dan woke up. Either he was absorbing the exhaustion or that eight a.m. wakeup was catching up to him. 

“Not at Christmas.” 

Phil frowned. That made no sense. But he had the sense not to point that out, not if he wanted said cakes. Dan pinched his thigh to shut him up before he said anything. Probably because he wanted cakes too. 

“I started looking through the footage,” Phil told Dan. “It’s looking good. Mum are you still up for helping out?”

“Yes, so long as you don’t keep me out in the cold like you did Dan. I thought you’d both freeze to death last night.” 

“Believe me, I did too,” Dan said fervently. He looked at Phil, “I’d love to see it too, if that’s okay?”

“Dan, it’s literally always okay.” He watched Dan sip his coffee slowly, eyes fluttering shut, steam rising gently, a pillow crease still making his cheek. Ugh, he had it so bad. “I’ve also been brainstorming, planning annotations, that stuff."

“Which, yes, I’ll still help you with,” Dan said. “You'll owe me though.” 

“All right,” Phil said, trying to keep his voice level. He didn’t know what favors Dan would call in for all the work, but he had some hopes. Hopes he didn’t dare even think about with his mother still in the room. 

They finished eating, talking over Phil’s project, his mother bustling around, rifling through cabinets and the fridge, making a list. 

“Anything you need from the shops?” she asked. He shook his head. The only thing he wanted right now was more mornings and long, slow breakfasts with Dan. “Well, then. We’ll be out for a while, Dad wanted to come along to help get some last minute gifts as well.” 

Phil would bet that no such thing was true. But she knew Dan was leaving, and she knew how hard that was on both of them. His poor father was being dragooned into last minute Christmas shopping just so Phil and Dan could have some time together. He’d told her they were going to exchange presents today—they’d both stashed them under the family tree when Dan arrived—and Phil was so appreciative to have a mother who knew to give them the space to have their own Christmas moments. Who wanted to. 

They lingered still after breakfast with more coffee, feet tangled while they worked on the project side by side. Phil offered a distracted goodbye when his parents left, deep in the heart of the project. 

“Oh, finally,” Dan said. He pushed Phil back from the laptop, swinging one leg over Phil’s lap. They were both too large to share a chair, but Phil could hardly complain, not with Dan’s lips insistent on his own. “I’ve been dying to give you a proper good morning.” 

“What the first class service wasn’t enough?” Phil said, teasing his fingertips under the hem of Dan’s shirt at his hips, smiling into the kisses Dan was showering over his face, onto his lips, under his jaw. 

“I’m not sure I’d rate it first class,” Dan said. “At least not yet.” 

“Mmm, I see. You need more servicing.” 

“Wow, Phil, that was tragic. You make me sound like a car.” 

“I can’t help it! I’ve got no blood in my brain right now.” 

“I can tell,” Dan said, smirking and wiggling on Phil’s lap. The chair creaked ominously, and they froze. 

“Come on. I don’t know how long they’ll be and I want to open presents with you.” 

“Alright. But shower first?” Dan pulled at a curl hanging over his forehead. “I’m a disaster right now.”

“Shower is good. But not because you’re a disaster. You’re lovely.” 

Dan looked away, shoulders coming up a little. “Shut up.” 

“Nope.” Phil took him by the hand to lead him upstairs. “I’ll be telling you you’re lovely until you believe me.”

“Fat chance of that,” Dan muttered. Still he went with Phil, squeezing his hand and darting a small smile up at him. 

___

Dan was regretting his choice to shower before presents. They’d dressed right back into lounging clothes once clean because Phil insisted that opening presents wouldn’t feel quite like Christmas if it wasn’t done in pajamas. Dan was too relaxed, pliant and happy from their shower, to argue. His lips were buzzing, skin tingling as he came back from the numbness of too many kisses and an overload of sensations from touches shared under a stream of hot water that had gone cold before they’d managed to finish. 

“Tea?” he asked hopefully as they wandered back downstairs. 

“Sure. I’ll make it, you go on in,” Phil said. 

“No.” Dan grabbed for his hand. He didn’t want to be away from Phil, not even a little bit. Not while the countdown clock was ticking stubbornly, too loudly, in his brain. “Wanna stay with you.”

Phil paused, looking at him seriously for a moment. Dan bit his lip, hoping Phil wouldn’t think he was being too needy, too clingy. He’d never said anything about it; in fact, they both tended to reject even small distance when they were together. 

“Stop,” Phil said, then kissed between Dan’s eyebrows. “Stay here with me, don’t think about tomorrow too much.” 

“I’m trying,” Dan said. He closed his eyes and leaned against Phil. “It’s so hard. Christmas’ll be so lonely.” Dan had tried to explain to Phil, how it wasn’t just not getting to be with him, but how sometimes he seemed so apart from his family. How they didn’t really know him. With Phil, there were things about himself he’d come to know, or was learning, over time. His family didn’t even realize he’d been hiding anything in the first place, so how could they know the ways in which he was growing? 

“I know,” Phil said. His hug was soft, something comforting for Dan to linger in. His lips were in Dan’s wet hair and warm neck, redolent of Phil’s shampoo and soap. Dan knew from experience just how long (not long enough) that scent would follow on his skin when he went home. 

For now it was enough to breathe Phil in, to tickle him as Phil made him tea, to let Phil poke his dimple and kiss his ears and nose. They found their way in front of the tree after Phil prompted him, reminding Dan that he didn’t know how long they had before his mother came home. They’d eaten up quite of bit of time in the shower, after all. 

Phil handed him a large box, insisting Dan go first. “You didn’t break the rule did you?” Dan asked. They’d promised not to spend too much, they both saved what they could to pay for as many train tickets as they could. 

“No, I promise I didn’t.” 

“All right.” Dan giggled. “Mate, what even happened here?”

“What?” 

“Did you wrap this while blind? And drunk?”

“Shut up.” Phil flicked Dan’s knee. “It’s the thought that counts.” 

“Good thing I wasn’t counting, but shaming.” Dan worked his way through the absolute mountain of tape Phil had used on the side of the box. 

“I thought you didn’t believe in shaming,” Phil said. 

“Kinks are one thing. This is an abomination!” 

They were still laughing when Dan pulled the stuffed Tonberry from the box. The laughter died on his lips. 

“It’s awful isn’t it?” Phil said. Nerves danced under his words. “I’m so crap at presents an—”

“Phil,” Dan managed to say through a too-tight throat. “This is amazing. I love it.” 

“Really?” Phil peeked up at him from under his messy fringe. “I just thought—”

Dan thought of the nights he’d laid in bed, thinking of this boy he couldn’t get out of his mind, listening to the Muse, knowing Phil was too. Wondering what he was doing, falling for a stranger on the internet when he had a girlfriend. When he was so confused it physically hurt, a vise around his bones and in his chest. Knowing what his heart was telling him, how it crashed up against constant internal dialogues and fears and desires. 

Even when it had gotten better, when he’d done the right thing, when he’d gotten to meet and kiss and be with Phil; when he’d looked at a love letter in the snow and whispered the words back against Phil’s kiss, he listened to those Muse songs. Each note reverberated, rich with memories of Phil. Now, when he was home alone and listening, his chest still ached. But it ached for something beautiful, not with self-loathing or fear. 

And now he had something to hold. Obviously nothing would be a replacement for Phil, but this would be something from Phil’s hands in Dan’s. He could curl up with his own Tonberry plush and remember this moment. 

Dan crawled forward, still holding his gift, crowding close into Phil’s space. He kissed him once, lightly. Phil tugged on the front of his shirt, tilting his head into a second, deeper kiss. 

“I was so worried,” Phil admitted. “I was sure you’d think it was silly.” 

“Phil,” Dan said, putting the Tonberry down for a moment so he could frame Phil’s face with shaking fingers. “This is the best present anyone’s ever given me.” 

“Oh,” Phil said. He covered Dan’s fingers with his own. Anyone else might have questioned him, or taken his words for hyperbole. Especially coming from Dan. But Phil knew him, and he knew Phil. When they laid their hearts bare to each other, they always knew the weight of truth in each other’s words. 

“I really love you,” Dan said, voice wobbling. “No one has ever- no one has ever loved me like this. Made me feel like this.” 

“Dan, I didn’t even know I could love someone like this. I don’t have words for it. I’m glad that this stupid stuffed animal somehow said it for you.” 

“Hey,” Dan yelped, smacking Phil’s shoulder lightly. “Don’t talk about him like that.” Phil’s eyes scrunched with laughter; he heard his own too, high and breathy. He should have maybe expected what Phil did next. Sometimes, Dan had learned, the only way Phil knew to put the really big feelings into the world was with his body. 

Phil’s mother hadn’t said he was odd for nothing. Maybe some men would say these things with a kiss or a hug. Phil said them with a tackle, with a meow, with a shower of pine needles from the tree they bumped as they toppled to the floor. 

“You’re a menace, Phil Lester.” Dan giggled, picking pine from Phil’s hair. 

“Yours though.”

“Absolutely. Positively,” Dan said, and meant it. _For as long as you’ll have me_ he wished. He knew he didn’t believe in wishes, really, but with Phil, everything seemed both possible and impossible. The improbability of this moment was heavy in Dan’s hands. Maybe it was just that he didn’t believe in prayer, or wishes coming true, or souls, unless it was Phil. Like so many things in his new life, Dan was coming to understand that Phil was the only exception.

**Author's Note:**

> Should you feel the urge to reblog [this](https://judearaya.tumblr.com/post/189982155692/fic-yours-absolutely-positively), I won't stop you :D


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